5.17.2011

You Want me to what? (Pt ii)

Last time, on Katie's blog:

Me: "God, give me joy."
God: "Katie, find a job in Texas."
Me: "No."
God: "Yes."
Me: "Ok."

And that's where we're at now. Me finding a job in Texas (well, I mean... if you don't know how that story turned out, you really should ask yourself if you know me at all).

I'd gotten assurances of my mission at this retreat. That retreat is called "Cursillo." If you've never been on this weekend, I would strongly encourage you to go. And even if you've been on an ACTS retreat, go to Cursillo anyway. Much meatier... much deeper. They have them all over the place. Its great. And if you're a fellow Cursillista, then "De Colores!"

Ok, Cursillo plug: done.

Now... I told God I trusted Him, right? So my telephone interview with this search committee (which, I'd never had my name on a search committee before, so the thought of being sought after by human beings was just... I dunno... daunting), was to fall on the Tuesday after my Cursillo weekend at 5:30pm. I had work that night. A closing shift. There was no way I'd be able to take that phone call. I told God: "Make this happen."

And then God snapped His mighty fingers. And I got the stomach flue at 3:30am Tuesday morning. I need to be more clear with God when I ask Him to do stuff.

I called in sick to work on Tuesday morning. And I slept until 4:00pm. My daddy bought me a whole variety of Gatorade (which, btw, I love the fruit punch kind best). And I was able to make the telephone interview at 5:30pm. And I felt disgusting the entire time. You know what one of the worst things in the world is? Trying to be your usual, upbeat, and cheery self while trying not to puke your guts up at the same time. It was nerve-wracking! I felt like I was boring them all to tears. And when I hung up the phone after the hour long conversation I had, I threw down the Blackberry, and cried. And then I threw up. And went back to bed. At least I think that's what happened. Its all a feverish haze now.

Wednesday morning came. I had the day off (Praise GOD!), and I slept in... still trying to get rid of that biting "Eating=death" feeling. And I got a phone call. From Laura. The search committee >gasp< liked me! I was beside myself... and then she told me one of the most amazing things I'd ever heard. She'd told the committee that I was planning on driving to Houston for my audition thing with the teens. They were shocked, and so one of them (whom shall remain nameless, but will always remain in my heart as an amazingly wonderful person), offered to buy me a plane ticket. Seriously. Yeah... I was shocked. I couldn't speak for, well... a long time for a Katie. So, it was set. The next week, I would fly to Houston, give a bible study, and then fly home and wait for a response.

But first I had to tell my boss at Burlington. Don. I couldn't ask for two or three days off and then quit right afterward. Especially after he'd taken a chance on me for being a dept. manager. I had to tell him that I was being considered for this job. And if I took it, I'd have to be moving asap. So... I decided, as I strode into work on that Thursday. I'd tell him. He'd totally understand, right? I was terrified that he'd fire me right on the spot.

That day I learned I need to have more faith in people.

I sat in front of him in his office, sputtering, trying to get my words out.
"Umm.. Don, I need to tell you something."
"Ok, what?"
"Uhh... well, you know I love working here with everyone (not a lie), and its just that I've got this thing, and uh, you know how much I appreciate your patience with me, and uh..."
"Katie, just spit it out!"
"I'mafrontrunnerforayouthministryjobinHouston!" >nervous laugh<
"..."
>Katie starting to hyperventilate<
"That is so cool!"

Don thought it was cool! I couldn't believe it! My jaw could have seriously hit the floor in that moment. He asked me when I would be going to do the bible study, how soon I'd have to leave if I got the job, everything. And for that, I will always be grateful. And then... Don prayed with me! It was by far the coolest thing that I'd ever done at work before (in all my retail jobs).

The week passed by extremely quickly. I told the rest of my family that I was praying about taking a job in Houston, and that I'd be going for an interview. They had varying reactions. Brian was his usual, "Oh. Ok." Erica was her usual "Thatissoexciting!" And Bobby was his usual, "Are you crazy?" Which I chalk up to him just wanting me to stay in California. I'm sticking to that story. I told most of my friends, and they were sad but excited for me. And I told Aunt (who's not really my aunt) Emily. Who cried. We'd just fixed our strained relationship, and "you freakin' want to move to Texas?"

The entire car ride to the airport was... tense. The entire way as Becka drove me, I was in between nervous fits of giggles and hyperventilating. And as we rolled by the freeway sign for LAX, I started panicking. And crying. My conversation with Erica went like this:

"Am I crazy? I think I'm crazy. I can't do this? I must be out of my mind! And I forgot my favorite black cardigan..."
"Lady, it's going to be ok. This is exciting! You're going to do a great job!"
"....>sniff< Ok."

And then I got on the plane. It was time for the bible study. I had a great one set on prayer. I'd done it a few times for my parish's youth alpha group. And it always worked. So it'd be great, right? WRONG. I'm praying the rosary somewhere between Phoenix and Houston, and all of the sudden, the voice that sounds like Becka pops in my head.

"Katie, do Matthew 28!"
"Quiet God, I'm praying."
"Katie, do Matthew 28!"
"Seriously? I'm just going to do... I just... FINE!"

You'd think I would have learned not to argue with Him anymore. I'm glad He allows a learning curve. I rewrote the entire bible study on the commissioning of the disciples. And, funnily enough (I'm sure Jesus got a huge LOL out of this), its the moment when Jesus tells the disciples to go out to all the nations and preach the good news. Yeah... I'd say that's pretty applicable. It took me most of Arizona, New Mexico and the western part of Texas to write. But I finished. And looking back on it, I really didn't do any of the work. The verses that were pulled into it seemed to flow from my pen of their own volition. I give complete credit to the Holy Spirit for that bible study. I was just the one who read it to the teens later on that evening. I met a lot of great people that night. The teens were so... on fire. It was refreshing. They sang with me for praise and worship. Even though I'm sure they didn't know a couple of the songs. They even had a dance for "Blessed be Your Name." Coolest church ever.

And before I knew it... I was home. The interview with the pastoral administrators and priest zoomed by. I met a whole gad of people at Laura's house. I don't remember most of it. I don't remember the flight home. I do, however, remember praying a very familiar prayer.

"God, Your will be done. Please let this be Your will!"

It was the same prayer from when I drove home from Modesto on my interview weekend with NET.

Two days went by. I went back to work. And then, in the middle of folding some polo-shirts down, I got a phone call. From Laura.

"Hello?"
"Hi Katie, its Laura."
"HI!"
"Sooo.... we'd like to officially offer you the job as-"
>muffled scream< (I was hiding in the fitting room of the men's department trying not to be seen)
"Youth minister. How soon can you move to Houston?"

And there it was. I had been unanimously voted in by the search committee, the teens said they would deal with me, and the priest pretty much said, "Ok."

It was a good day. I immediately rushed on to a break. I called one of my best friends, Yvonne, right away. She'd been on Cursillo with me and was the first non-family to find out what I was praying about. We'd agreed that if I got the job, she'd come to World Youth Day with me (I get to go as part of my job... I know, right?!?!). And that if I got the job, I wouldn't call her to tell her that. I'd just call her to tell her to get a passport.

"Hello?"
"EVIE! GET A PASSPORT!"
"OH MY GOSH!"

I don't think I'd ever heard her exclaim something that loud. Especially on the phone.

I called my mom and dad. Mom sounded resigned. Like she'd been praying for God's will, but that it'd be for Him to keep me in town. Dad was excited for me. He has this thing where he goes, "oh-kay!" Typing it doesn't do his "oh-kay" justice. Its funny. I love it.

So I got the job (again, if you couldn't tell that from the beginning, then do you really know me?).

I'd left everything up to God, and He made it happen. I didn't know how or why I had ever come to deserve something so amazing. My dream job. In one of my favorite cities in the world. With the best Boss every (Jesus). I still sit in awe sometimes and just think, "Hmm. Good job God."

I don't know if I'll ever make it up to Him.

Next time, on Katie's blog: Leaving California.

Cousin Jim: "You need a new resonator, tires, wheels, a tune up, an oil change, and a car wash."

5.11.2011

You want me to what?

It's been a while since I posted anything on this blog. Almost two years, in fact. Two years never feel like a long time. Its been four years since I finished NET (National Evangelization Team). It feels like a few months have gone by. Somehow, I have no idea why (it must be some trick of Einstein's Theory of Relativity), the two years since I posted my last... ummm.... posts...seem longer ago than four years. I don't know why.

I have an idea of why this is. So let me explain. Wait. There is too much. Let me sum up. Just kidding. The explanation is funnier than the sum. I don't know how that works.

I was in school when I initially wrote the blog. Again. I was a student at the prestigious Cal-State-San Ber-ghetto. Okay, okay. It's actually an o.k. school but what with all the budget cuts from our movie-star-governator, it had turned into a very angry and run down campus. Budget cuts=less money=Katie get's kicked out of school. I have no hard feelings. Really. I mean it. Even though I was only a few units away from getting a Masters. But I'm not upset. Seriously.

So I get kicked out of school, right? But its ok! Because I have my amazing Religious Studies degree to fall back on. And my extensive retail experience. So after a brief stint of working at a tax office (I love those ladies), I was able to procure gainful employment at a fine and luxurious establishment called "Burlington Coat Factory". Which, let's face it: is the K-Mart or Big-Lots of retail. But it was a job. And I liked it. For a while. Of course, then the men's dress shirts began piling up, the big & tall section was a constant thorn in my side, and my department was filled with drama (I still have no idea why). Even with the amazing people I worked with, all I wanted to do was run away. And I hate running. As a matter of principle, I only run when chased.

So I prayed. Sadly, my prayer life had depleted considerably from what it once was. It came down to praying at Mass, Bible Study, and before meals. So I wasn't expecting much. And I prayed the most risky prayer I had ever prayed before. In my life.

I told God: "God, give me joy. I don't care how. Just give me joy."

Did you know, that when you tell God that, He takes it seriously? Yeah. I didn't realize just how seriously. Slowly, the city "Houston" became a splinter in my brain. I'd been there once for a week whilst on NET, and it stuck with me. And I couldn't understand why, why it kept popping up. In idle conversations, or day dreams. Like when I'd be folding, and then refolding dress shirts. It felt like there was someone next to me, whispering incessantly, "Houston.... pssst... Katie... HOUSTON!" The voice sounded startlingly like my little sister.

So, in order to shut the whisper up, I started looking for jobs in Houston. Just to see. I didn't connect the unprecedented desire to get a job in Houston with my prayer. It didn't make sense. I looked at yahoo jobs, googled temp-agencies, tried to find out how long it would take to be a teacher. But nothing felt right. I even looked at retail gigs. Nothing. I couldn't see anything that would compel me to shift my world. And then I looked at the Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston. And something happened. My center of gravity shifted. I saw a job opening for a youth minister at this church, St. Paul's. I distinctly remember laughing, because I worked at a St. Paul the Apostle in Chino Hills. "How funny would it be," I naively thought, "if I got a job at this one too? Like a Part II... or part deux." And I'd always wanted to be a youth minister. For 12 years, that was my dream job. But somehow that dream got lost in the shuffle. Like paperwork at the DMV.

So I cavalierly submitted a resume. A real one. Not the shoddy email kind, but the real, linen type of paper kind. I literally went to Target (wow, fancy), to get special paper. Just for this resume. I wasn't even expecting a reply. I was expecting for this fancy paper to be chucked into the garbage bin. But two weeks after I sent it, after my rampant A.D.D. kicked in and I had forgotten that I even sent in a resume, I got an email. From some lady named Laura. And it said something to the effect of: "Hey, your resume is awesome, and I don't know if you noticed, but you live in California." I wrote back saying, "Its ok. I can move." And Laura was like, "Are you sure?" And I was like, "Uh... yeah. I'm sure." But I wasn't sure. The rational voice in the back of my mind (which, oddly enough, sounds like my brother Bobby) was yelling, "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?" And honestly, I didn't know. But I knew it was something I had to do. I wasn't sure if I was going to get the job. I wasn't sure if I got an offer if I would even take it. I was a big ball of unsure-ness. That much I was sure about. Not to mention, they required an in-person interview with the teens (more like an audition), and I'd have to pay for it myself. So I decided if I made it to that round, I would drive. It would be fun! Yeah.... a 24-hour drive... fun!

I told my parents I was thinking about moving out of state. That I was talking to this lady and she was offering me a full-time job as a youth minister. With benefits. Which I'd never had before. I was expecting my parents to try and talk me out of it. I was expecting my dad to hit the roof or tell me I was crazy. Instead, he said "Kate, you know whatever you want to do, we will support you." Even typing out that statement now is making me a bit teary-eyed. I love my daddy.

Anyway. I wasn't sure. And then I doubted my unsuredness. And then I went on a retreat. And on this retreat, every little gift, every little moment of prayer was God asking me: "Katie, do you trust me?" And would tell Him, "Yes, of course I trust You!" And He would ask me again, "Katie, do you trust me?" and I would tell him, "YES! I trust You!"

Did you know when you tell God that you trust Him, He takes that seriously? I do now. I left that retreat feeling absolutely sure, but scared to pieces, that this job was exactly what God wanted for me. So I marched forward with the interview process. With a quasi-firm surety, staunch, and unassuming. But I knew that I needed to trust in God. After all, I had told Him I did. So I needed to stick to it.


Part ii coming tomorrow! Yogurt for dinner.